I remember that first year as a doula, doing nearly everything to book a client. I recall agreeing to work with people and places that really didn't fill my cup, but I just HAD TO fill my books somehow, no matter the cost. How else was I going to be taken seriously if I didn't actually have any clients? I took on people who weren't as committed to birth as me. People who simply hired me for the sake of having a doula. I worked at places that didn't fully support what my clients envisioned. And I said nothing. I didn't mention the uphill climb they'd have to journey to get even the simplest things like hands-on fetal monitoring. I said nothing when the place, provider, or client felt "off."

How could I possibly land a client if I was brutally honest with them? Who would want to hear me gripe about a hospital or provide I believed wouldn't give them what they wanted? Especially after knowing me for less than ten minutes. How would these potential clients react if I told them I'm not a huge fan of continuous monitoring and that I'm hard to convince when it comes to inductions? What if they knew my biases, my true colors, my non-negotiable values?

After nearly three years I was becoming a living statistic: on my way to burnout within five years of doula work. It hit me like the proverbial ton of bricks. I had to do something BIG if I wanted to keep going! I began following the wise creators of Intentional Birth and made some meaningful changes that have paid off. I became honest with myself and with my potential clients. 

Will this honesty help me land every client I interview? No, but that's ok. 

When I talk to these clients, I'm looking for a connection- for a sign that I will be valued, needed, included, and respected. All of that is kinda hard to gather in a 30-minute conversation, so here's what I do.

• I tell them I'm a straight-shooter and will call them out if they are making decisions that don't align with their goals. When my gut feels something, I allow it to speak.
• I inform them that I will ask them tough and sometimes uncomfortable questions to help them find their true wishes. Sometimes it means going against provider recommendations.
• I tell them I'm quick to point out when I become suspicious of their provider. 
• I let them know what my biases are and I will most definitely not apologize for feeling passionate about them.

If they don't choose me after this initial interaction then I'm sure there's another doula out there who's better suited for them. Me? I'll always stay true to myself and attract clients who believe in me.

So, you've decided on getting a doula. Now what? To give yourself a few options, interview at least three candidates and choose based on the connection, not just on the fee, experience, or reputation. A pricey doula doesn't necessarily mean she's giving you quality support. An experienced doula doesn't always mean she's right for YOUR experience. And a popular one is simply one who's talked about, but there might be another one who could be a best-kept secret. Ask the following questions to get to know the person she is, her values, work ethic, and client-doula relationship. Make sure you and your partner both get the same positive vibe and that she meets your individual priorities.

Ask the questions that are important to you. Oftentimes, potential clients just go down a list of questions they found on Google and the meet-and-greet quickly becomes a high-pressure job interview. Maybe experience doesn't matter to you or maybe meeting often isn't a deal breaker for you, so skip those questions. Stick to the topics that are suited to your needs and goals.

P.S. If you decide to pass on her, be courteous and let her know. It's just the nice thing to do!

So, maybe you are new to this doula thing or all of your friends have gotten one for their labors and swear they couldn't have done it without the help of a doula. Now you're wondering if you should get one too. I mean, all the cool kids are doing it, right?

Even though I'd love your business, I'm not going to lie to you. Doulas aren't the only ones who can improve your birth experience. I say it all the time, surround yourself with the RIGHT people! Studies have shown that having doula support during pregnancy and labor can decrease your chances of a C-section, need for pain medication, and assisted delivery. We can also increase your overall satisfaction with your birth experience and improve breastfeeding and bonding outcomes. But how does a doula have that effect and can anyone else give you those amazing outcomes?

Fourteen years ago, I was in my second trimester with my first child. I had the usual mix of excitement and worry that most new moms felt, but I decided to silence those fears by educating myself...and I wasn't going to do it alone. With my husband by my side, we decided to take a Bradley Method of Childbirth course which consisted of weekly 3-hour classes with other pregnant couples. What unexpectedly happened was that I developed a fascination for childbirth. Labor was not what I expected. My birth plan was just silly wishing and I was left feeling a bit regretful about how things played out. But in the newness of being a mom and having a perfectly healthy baby girl, I had no time to dwell or revel in what had happened. My sister had made the five-hour drive to be at the hospital with us. She brought peace and love with her and I vividly remember her picking up my hair as if she could read my mind.

One year later, I was living with that same sister and her husband who were expecting their first child. They had also taken the Bradley Method and understood the importance of having support. I was happy to fill that role. She began to labor late in the evening and, after packing last-minute items into the hospital bag, we transitioned to the hospital. I was in disbelief that I was about to witness a child be born. I did what I could to keep her comfortable. I had no training and no experience, but I loved her so much and knew that love would show. During the hours I was there, I felt no hunger, thirst, or exhaustion. I stayed the whole night. I came home the following morning after the birth, in somewhat of a shock, and went back to being the mom of a toddler. I looked at my sweet girl's face and realized that I had also gone through such a life-changing experience. I remembered that I had once roared with power like my sister. 

Let's be real, it takes a village to raise a child AND to bring one into this world!
You've likely imagined your doula, partner, and birth team working in harmony as you labor but now you're faced with the possibility of it being a tension-riddled situation instead because your partner doesn't want a doula. But you've done your homework and you're convinced you must have one. So how do you fix this? Well, the majority of reluctant partners come from a place of love and concern. They want to protect you, keep the experience personal and sacred, and be the one you turn to for support. These are all excellent reasons to be there for you and convincing them to allow an extra person in this special moment is no small feat. Fortunately, with a little guidance, you can tip the odds in your favor.