My husband and I are having a home birth of sorts...for our 13-year-old son.

For the past 10 years, we did the "standard" thing, like the vast majority of American women giving birth. We trusted a system of professionals to help choose what was best for our family. Yes, we engaged in what we thought were conversations of informed consent, but there were always these mandatory boxes that had to be checked off. We saw multiple people throughout the process, and we never knew who we'd see next time. Not like it really mattered, because we were stuck with who we got. There were some attempts to quell our concerns, but often we'd be back to where we started. We even changed locations, hoping it'd get better, giving us some sense of control.

Ultimately, this approach left us feeling angry and disappointed. We had this feeling deep in our bones that something wasn't right, but we swept that under the rug and just told ourselves that this is just the way things are done. I mean, why would they intentionally cause harm?

But I had an awakening. A wild idea seeped into my thoughts. What if there was a different way? So, I rolled up my sleeves and found something so unique. I thought there was no way my husband would get behind the idea, but he was also just so tired of fighting the status quo, and he said, "Let's do it! It can't be any worse." The decision wasn't easy, and we're still a bit nervous, yet very excited. We found a team that treats all of us like individuals. A place that adapts to our needs instead of the other way around. Professionals who know that my baby is special and treat him as such. Someone in charge who is reachable and truly listens. An approach where boxes don't have to be checked off.

I tell my clients who completely trust their instincts and want an empowered birth, full of autonomy, and true shared decision making to choose a home birth. Yes, it can feel scary to do something so unheard of, something they never considered. Sure, it's not for everyone, and maybe the standard care and place of birth suit others better. It's all about presenting them with all of their options.

Now it's time I not just talk about it, but be about it! The public school has failed my son. He's been pushed to follow a path that simply isn't right for his special needs and gifts.

We have chosen a micro school. The home birth of education.

Instead of being in a classroom of 25 kids, he'll be in a room with about seven. Instead of standardized testing, he'll be at recess. Instead of his peers speedily moving forward (leaving him in the dust), the teacher will meet him where he's at and move at his pace. Instead of "having to," he now "gets to." We are blessed to have this opportunity cross our paths. 

Knowing what's right for your baby doesn't stop once they're teens. Trust your gut!

I remember that first year as a doula, doing nearly everything to book a client. I recall agreeing to work with people and places that really didn't fill my cup, but I just HAD TO fill my books somehow, no matter the cost. How else was I going to be taken seriously if I didn't actually have any clients? I took on people who weren't as committed to birth as me. People who simply hired me for the sake of having a doula. I worked at places that didn't fully support what my clients envisioned. And I said nothing. I didn't mention the uphill climb they'd have to journey to get even the simplest things like hands-on fetal monitoring. I said nothing when the place, provider, or client felt "off."

How could I possibly land a client if I was brutally honest with them? Who would want to hear me gripe about a hospital or provide I believed wouldn't give them what they wanted? Especially after knowing me for less than ten minutes. How would these potential clients react if I told them I'm not a huge fan of continuous monitoring and that I'm hard to convince when it comes to inductions? What if they knew my biases, my true colors, my non-negotiable values?

After nearly three years I was becoming a living statistic: on my way to burnout within five years of doula work. It hit me like the proverbial ton of bricks. I had to do something BIG if I wanted to keep going! I began following the wise creators of Intentional Birth and made some meaningful changes that have paid off. I became honest with myself and with my potential clients. 

Will this honesty help me land every client I interview? No, but that's ok. 

When I talk to these clients, I'm looking for a connection- for a sign that I will be valued, needed, included, and respected. All of that is kinda hard to gather in a 30-minute conversation, so here's what I do.

• I tell them I'm a straight-shooter and will call them out if they are making decisions that don't align with their goals. When my gut feels something, I allow it to speak.
• I inform them that I will ask them tough and sometimes uncomfortable questions to help them find their true wishes. Sometimes it means going against provider recommendations.
• I tell them I'm quick to point out when I become suspicious of their provider. 
• I let them know what my biases are and I will most definitely not apologize for feeling passionate about them.

If they don't choose me after this initial interaction then I'm sure there's another doula out there who's better suited for them. Me? I'll always stay true to myself and attract clients who believe in me.

When it comes to labor prep you know to get your body ready for the big day. You will practice yoga, find a breathing technique that works for you, fuel your body with the right food, and become mindful of your body's mechanics. But did you know the most important work in labor is mental?

The deepest work you will do in labor is emotional, mental, and spiritual. You will need to surrender to the great mystery that is childbirth. You will not know how or when baby will come. You will need to give up any time limits, expectations, and control to go deep within yourself and labor peacefully. Labor is not a time for holding back our primal instincts or allowing fear to hold us back. It's a time of surrender and acceptance.

A few weeks ago I was invited to be a guest on Julie Jacobs's wonderful podcast Goddesses Gather Here. And like the name implies, this is a podcast for amazing women to lift each other up, share their journeys, and offer advice so you too can become a goddess. 

I met Julie at a meeting for military spouse entrepreneurs. I was seated quietly at the end of the table (as I had arrived late) and Julie was actively taking part in the conversation. I knew she was a force of a woman by the look of her bold red lips and when she mentioned the name of her podcast, I just knew I had to meet her! There is something so special about women recognizing, creating, and supporting other strong women.

And that's what I do as a doula...I get to witness strength being born. I help women find confidence during their pregnancy so that they can have an empowered birth. 

Listen here to learn more about why I got into doula work, what my favorite part is, and what lies ahead for me.

Happy listening, friends!

Not one book could ever truly prepare me for breastfeeding. Yes, I had understood the physiology behind it and knew of the benefits, but the actual feeling and experience could never be accurately described in the books. And it wasn't just the feel of a small mouth on my nipple that was never explained, it was the emotional toll it would take.

Thirteen years ago, I was the first in my family to breastfeed, so I wasn't able to get any insight and words of wisdom from my sisters or mother. It was somehow easier for me to envision being a first-time mom than it was to have a baby latched at my breast. That first feeding in the hospital was so awkward. How could something so natural feel so unnatural? I thought that first latch would be the end of the uncomfortableness of nursing, but so many more challenges faced me.

Almost fourteen years ago, my husband and I carefully crafted the birth plan for our first child. We attended the 12-week Bradley Method course, read What to Expect When You're Expecting, and Ina May Gaskin's Guide to Childbirth. In my last trimester, I began attending La Leche League meetings and my baby's nursery was stocked and ready for her. On paper, we were prepared, informed, and diligent. We deserved a good birth experience. We were sorely mistaken and looking back at the plan I had saved on my Google Drive only reminds me of how poorly prepared we were. Sure, my plan detailed what I wanted to avoid, how I would labor, and the newborn procedures we preferred. It all checked out...it was easy to read and even buttered up the hospital staff. The goal: healthy mom and baby. Who doesn't want that?
Me. I wanted more.

Fourteen years ago, I was in my second trimester with my first child. I had the usual mix of excitement and worry that most new moms felt, but I decided to silence those fears by educating myself...and I wasn't going to do it alone. With my husband by my side, we decided to take a Bradley Method of Childbirth course which consisted of weekly 3-hour classes with other pregnant couples. What unexpectedly happened was that I developed a fascination for childbirth. Labor was not what I expected. My birth plan was just silly wishing and I was left feeling a bit regretful about how things played out. But in the newness of being a mom and having a perfectly healthy baby girl, I had no time to dwell or revel in what had happened. My sister had made the five-hour drive to be at the hospital with us. She brought peace and love with her and I vividly remember her picking up my hair as if she could read my mind.

One year later, I was living with that same sister and her husband who were expecting their first child. They had also taken the Bradley Method and understood the importance of having support. I was happy to fill that role. She began to labor late in the evening and, after packing last-minute items into the hospital bag, we transitioned to the hospital. I was in disbelief that I was about to witness a child be born. I did what I could to keep her comfortable. I had no training and no experience, but I loved her so much and knew that love would show. During the hours I was there, I felt no hunger, thirst, or exhaustion. I stayed the whole night. I came home the following morning after the birth, in somewhat of a shock, and went back to being the mom of a toddler. I looked at my sweet girl's face and realized that I had also gone through such a life-changing experience. I remembered that I had once roared with power like my sister.